Mushrooms for all! Mushrooms for democracy!

This 4th of July "expect delays" sign was stuck in holiday traffic in Chinatown this weekend.  It got me to thinking:  other than delays, what makes an American democracy?  Of course, I turned to the letters to the editor of the Texarkana Gazette (not a church newsletter!), where I was reminded of the importance of the franchise:

I wonder how the straight party line ticket works when you're voting for Jesus (since he is omnipresent and all).  But, if Jesus isn't running for every office, how should I be guided in determining what's best for American democracy?  Again, the Gazette letters to the editor provides the answers (check out the green arrow):

God has spoken!  And he wants Americans to choose the fancy mushrooms!

A three-story flag means 3x the entitlement!

Here's a flag hung up today at the construction site down the street:

My innate sense of patriotism compelled me to recently cancel my subscription to the Washington Post, because the op-ed pages suck.  They just suck.  So, needing another news source, I decided to splurge on an online Texarkana Gazette (not a church newsletter!) subscription.  It's been a few years since I've read crazy Gazette letters to the editor.  Oh, they're so good!  

Like this, from an unsigned letter titled "Freedom a gift from God," about the events of July 4th, 1776 (published last March, for some unknown reason): 

"America began as a flight from bondage to salvation. . . . [O]nly a few brave souls were sent by God to carry out for their families and their family’s future—for the ability to live as a free people. . . . 

The America born in 1776 is in grave danger today. A horrible, suicidal transformation has been evolving for decades slowly and almost unnoticed. Almost. . . .

The most important aspect in understanding what America is and realizing why it is an honor to be one of its citizens, is knowing the fact that our freedom is given to us by God. Your God may be different from my God, but as long as we both understand that nature’s God entitles us, we are truly American. . . ."

Yup.  Nothing is more truly American than entitlement.  

2012 Armageddon Edition

The plan yesterday was to go to brunch, get a pedicure, take pictures of a birther rally on the mall that I'd read about online, then to a BBQ in Alexandria.  After a lovely brunch and the world's worst pedicures, my friend and I moseyed over to a birther-rally-free mall. Confusion reigned until Sandy checked the original post online and realized I was off on the rally date by a month.  Oops.  So off to Alexandria for BBQ, where I saw this lovely car:

I was curious as to the particularized meaning of the Pleiade license plate, in the context of a Jeep touting Glenn Beck for news and facts.  A quick google search later, I had learned that the Pleiades star cluster has special meaning to 2012 armageddon folks.  Sure, this driver could be an astronomer, or a PhD researching the French Renaissance poets of the la Pleiade, but I'm going with 2012-er.


See, the Mayans recognized the cycling of the Pleiades, and the Mayans had major ceremonial events when the Pleiades would be directly overhead every 52 years, but the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, the same year as Venus goes through the Pleiades, AND in 2012 a solar eclipse will conjunct the stars of the Pleiades and align the sun, moon, earth, and Pleiades, and on Dec. 22, 2012, as the Mayans knew, it will be the death of Venus, AND the Pleiades sorta, kinda, maybe look like a cross, and the Pleiades are mentioned in the Bible -- even Shirley MacLaine knows! -- and maybe even in Revelation!  Or something like that.  OhMyGaga -- it's so easy to get sucked in to conspiracy theory!  Must. Stop. 

Choose Waffles Edition

Another photo of random anti-abortion folks I saw during lunch today.  Are they picketing the Lincoln Waffle House?  I'll let you choose for yourself.

Horsesh@$&t Edition

Busy day at office.  Didn't have much time to take photos to dispatch evidence of the anti-abortion march in town today for Roe v Wade's b-day.  But did take this lovely aftermath one.  Enjoy.

Joe "I'll Report Ya" Kilgore Edition

Another box packed, another post blogged. Among my very first Texarkana Dispatches, originally sent feb. 7, 2007, was this:

Questionable bible-belt thinking #1: the fact
that somebody actually believed this was letter-to-the editor-worthy.

Questionable bible-belt thinking #2: the fact that the newspaper printed it. The full text of the funniest letter to the editor I think I've ever read, from today's Texarkana Gazette:

I was walking at the mall on 2-3-07. There were booths set up for companies to advertise their local services and to sell stuff. I couldn't help but notice one was not represented. I asked three different booth operators if Jesus had a booth. I was told no, three times. I was sad to see with so many people attending that no one had thought of a booth where Jesus could be talked about to people who need Jesus in their life. A lot of missed opportunities here. Next time, maybe several local Christian churches could pass out free literature, Bibles and talk to people to win more souls for Christ. On Jan. 25, 2032, when
Central Mall will be no more (does the exact date really matter?), Jesus will be here. All that pretty 'stuff' and building materials will return to dust. Whatever earthly thing that replaces it will also be gone in another 50 years. Jesus will still be the last one standing. --J.K., Texarkana, Texas

While at the time, I considered (and rejected) the possibility that "J.K." meant this apocalyptic Christian was "just kidding," I've since speculated that "J.K." is Joe Kilgore, local landlord, drug-free-zone vigilante, and animal lover. Here are some photos I took this week of Joe's thrift store/apartments:
and some pix of Joe's it's-not-a-crack-hotel a bit further down Hwy 67:

and, in case you don't feel the full flavor of nasty that is this place, take a look to the left of the sign:the middle window? That's not a brown curtain. That's dirt. Dirty filth. I wanted to take more photos, but really felt like I was being watched. I've heard that the signs were changed a day or two later, something about no new signs until July 4th. I'll check it out and get back to you. If I don't get shot.

Baby Jesuses (Jesi?) Edition

In one joyous week, there were three baby jesus articles in the Texarkana Gazette (not a church newsletter, but an actual newspaper!).

He once was lost, but now he's found. Favorite quote? From the article in which Jesus is found on a gravel road:

"We can have a joyous Christmas since we found Jesus."

The reason for the season, baby. The reason for the season.

Hallelujah! and Happy New Year from the trenches,
Jess

Global Warming Edition

In the spirit of the season, I send you the Texarkana Gazette's most recent entry in the "I can't believe they actually publish that as a letter to the editor" competition.
Remember: the only way to avoid Jesus' global warming is to trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior.

Love from the trenches,
Jessica

Biking for Jesus Edition

Pork and Crime Edition

#1: On the Texas side of the state line the main high school is Texas High, and, not surprisingly, on the Arkansas side of the state line, it's Arkansas High. Big rivalvry between the tigers and hogs. From Texarkana Gazette this week (with a nod to Andy for the heads up):

Arkansas High School recently announced its Top 10 graduates of 2007. . . .
Catherine Margaret Maness, Valedictorian, . . . will attend the University of
Connecticut to major in pre-med. She was awarded a Presidential Scholars
Award Scholarship. Catherine was chosen as student of the year in Physics
and Pre-AP Biology and awarded AP Scholar. She was also chosen as porker beauty queen, this year.

I think Arkansas wins this one. Go Hogs!

#2: From today's Texarkana Gazette: My ex-neighbor is charged with embezzlement. She moved out ... um - quickly ... last fall. I bought a divan from her when it wouldn't fit in the moving van.

Think I should renegotiate the price now?

Possum Edition

From the May 24 Texarkana Gazette listing of Memorial Day weekend activities:

MILLWOOD STATE PARK

Activities during the Memorial Day weekend will include lake tours, a class called ‘Duct Tape 101' and pet the possum. Millwood State Park is located nine miles east of Ashdown on Arkansas Highway 32 on the north side of Millwood dam. Activities include:

• Duct Tape 101. Duct tape has a million and one uses from air conditioner repair to crafts. Learn the history of duct tape and how to use it. How about duct tape roses, wallets and ties? Meet at the picnic tables by Area C Bathhouse.
• Pet the possum. Come see, touch and learn about the state's only native
  marsupial. Meet at the tables by Area C Bathhouse.
  

I tried to correct the most glaring of the typos and grammatical errors. Otherwise, straight out of the local paper!

Love from the trenches,
Jessica