Awful things #2: vinyl records

This the the 2nd in a series of "awful things" chosen by Disgruntled Coworker for me to write about.  He thinks he's choosing things I like.  He prolly thinks I like vinyl because he thinks I'm nostalgic for all things from my youth.  And all "authentic" things.  But I agree with him on this one. 

I have a box of vinyl records somewhere in my momma's garage back in Texas.  It doesn't matter if the south Texas heat hasn't gotten to 'em yet.  Because I ruined them well before that.  Over 20 years ago, a friend and I got the brilliant idea to black out the the centers of all my records. You know, where the name of the band, the album, and the songs are.  And then, we placed all the records in the wrong sleeves.

When you went to play a record, it was a total crapshoot.  Think you're gonna hear 1 of the 5 records in that Bruce Springsteen and the E St Band Live 1975-85 box set? Nope, it's Men at Work.  (Yes, those are both in the collection.) (No, no comment on what substances may have played a role in this brilliant decision making.)  It was sort of a pre-iPod "shuffle."

And, it was also a sort of pre-iTunes playlist.  Because, the records weren't randomly in the wrong sleeves.  There was a method to it.  Looking for AC/DC's Back in Black? (Also in the collection.)  Why don't you try looking in the Michael Jackson Bad album sleeve?  (Also in the collection.)  You know, because Michael wore that awesome black jacket on the album cover.

But, iPod/Nano/iPhone/iTunes:  SO much better than vinyl.  Because I can indulge my caterpillar-sized attention span and shuffle to another song in nanoseconds, while searching online and making a phone call and taking a picture at the same time.  Sometimes, even taking a picture of the internet access itself.  Check out these crazy wifi networks:

I'm guessing the 3rd one ("Bear Heaven") is related to the Eagle, the gay leather bar here in the neighborhood.  And I saw "Goodbye Jews!" in Park Slope, Brooklyn last month:

In my old vinyl filing "system," I would have filed Ozzy's Blizzard of Ozz under "Goodbye Jews!"  Because it has "Goodbye to Romance" on it, obvs.

OMG.  All the old vinyl songs are on my various iDevices.  I need new music.

Awful things #1: food trucks

I have been given a new blogging mission: write about "awful things" chosen by disgruntled coworker.  His first three topics prove what an ass he is, since they are all things that are demonstrably NOT awful.  #afterbirth

For this inaugural edition of "awful things," I present: food trucks.  Which, according to the best real-time mapping website of food truck tweets in DC,  are awfully far away from me today on my day off.  Which sucks, because I only went to 1 food truck this week and it's such a beautiful day to grab some food and eat outdoors in the sun.

Oh well, I enjoyed the sun during a 5 mile run earlier today past the Lincoln and WWII Memorials and Washington Monument, where I saw not 1, but 2 tourists taking pictures of the monument as their penises.  Not this Monument penis:

because they were human.  I really need to run with a camera.  Running tally of these morons I've seen on the mall:  4!

So, food trucks.  The problem with getting delicious, cheap food from a food truck and enjoying it al fresco on a beautiful spring day is that you miss out on the ambiance of an indoor place like the Saints Paradise Cafeteria here in the Mt. Vernon Square neighborhood:

Love is the main ingredient (in the southern and soul food) because it's part of the United House of Prayer for All People church.  Customers go through the cafeteria line to get the food -- like pigs feet and fried chicken and greens and mac and cheese -- in styrofoam containers.  (No biodegradable recycled paper containers like the food trucks use here!)  But in the seating area is a permanently-set table for the church's pastor, with gold-leafed china and glass:

That type of display is just not possible in or on a food truck!

Jesus LOVES Unicorns!

Disgruntled coworker was at an amusement park in rural Pennsylvania.  Family-friendly place.  You know: no bikini tops.  NO THONGS.

He texted me: There's an airbrush studio here, any requests?  I wanted Jesus riding a unicorn, but we were limited to designs from their book.  Co-worker and I improvised and, Behold!, my new shirt:

A family-friendly airbrusher in Pennsylvania now believes this will be worn to official church functions by a my little pony-loving hipster.  Presumably with grannie pants.

Coffee Klatch

The bagel place down the street from the office wants to pre-sell its 2011 coffee club cards.  Gingie co-worker noticed this sign they put up:

(photo by disgruntled co-worker)

I'm not sure why, but I started to picture the shape of things to come:  Dec. 31, my 2010 coffee card at its climax, and I'll have a hole that will need filling.  And Jan 1, with no more member-ship, my wallet will get the shaft!  I'll need a hard, fast deal.

Party in the USA!

(photo by Neven)

We had a baby shower at work today for "disgruntled coworker."  He's into Miley Cyrus (ironically?) so we ordered an ice cream cake that was supposed to say "Baby in the USA!" on a plain cake top. I can't tell if it does, what with all the caramel and candies under the wobbly lettering.

The nutty thing is, when another (not disgruntled) coworker picked up the cake, the ice cream store employee said this was the second one they made. She had to totally redo it, she said, because the first one was "embarrassing." She said she told the person who made the first cake "you have to make the cake so that you'd want to eat it."

I guess she wanted to eat strawberry ice cream instead of the cookies and cream we ordered, because that's what we got. 

Anachronism Edition

(photo by disgruntled co-worker)

Now, I don't claim to be a vintage car expert, but this car, seen today by the FBI headquarters, looks like a Model T.  I don't think the GPS device there on the console is an original feature, though, again, I'm not a vintage car expert.

I am, however, quite good at navigating DC.  It's on a grid people!  Pshaw.  Tourists.

The People, United, Will Never Be Defeated! (Irony Edition)

(photo by uncredited co-worker, to protect the innocent)

On the way back to the office after getting coffee this morning, a co-worker made me stop and watch this protest.  


Apparently this was one of a series of protests today (and this weekend) in DC.  So what was this group protesting?  A law firm in the building, according to the guy passing out flyers.  The conversation went something like this:

• Me: So, what are y'all protesting? 
• Flyer guy: This law firm.
• Co-worker:  Why?
• Flyer guy:  They're one of the biggest lobbyists there is.
• Me:  Huh?  Are you protesting the firm or its clients?
• Flyer guy:  Um . . . 
• Me:  I mean, is your problem that they lobby? Or their lobbying on behalf of a particular client?
• Flyer guy:  They lobby for the slumlords.
• Co-worker:  The slumlord trade association?
• Flyer guy:  All of them!
• Me:  So you're expressing your first amendment rights against lawyers who help people express their first amendment rights?
• Flyer Guy:  The people, united, will never be defeated!

(I made that last one up.)  Yea!  First Amendment in action!