The most visited post on this dispatch -- by far -- is the child beauty pageant post. Seriously, I get more visitors from google searches to that post than to all the others combined. (Including from some creepy perv-type search terms.)
So to feed the needs of those who can't get enough of the glitz and glamour of child beauty pageants, and to honor the horror that is the pageant aesthetic, I decided to transform myself to see what would result.
I did some quickie online research of pageant photoshop shops specializing in child beauty pageants. I ultimately went with what seemed the glitziest. I emailed and asked what was needed for a full-glitz retouch. (Can you tell "glitz" is a term of art in that world?)
After the first photo I sent was rejected for being too blurry, I sent a snapshot taken of me in full-on boring-government-employee mode: no makeup, flat hair, plain sweater, blemishes, nicotine-stained teeth, no jewelry, against a white wall:
(photo by Hemsley)
In only a few weeks (even with the holidays) and for only a few bucks, I got back this:
retouching copyright of Foto4Good.
The retoucher says "you glow in the photo." Indeed! I glow and sparkle, and I've lost a chin, and gained bric-a-brac and diamonds, and have doll eyes and perfect teeth and . . . omg. No more words.