Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Help! I've rented a performance artist for 2 hours and don't know what to do!

It's that time of year again: the Capital Fringe Festival. Three weeks of sometimes amazing, sometimes awful, experimental and low-budget theater (and opera, dance, and puppetry) in sometimes-airconditioned venues.  All only blocks from my home!

And I need your help this year.  I bought a ticket to "BFF," a show by performance artist Brian Feldman.  (Read this WaPo article for more about the artist.)  The show is billed like this:

It could change your life. Perhaps the most conceptual offering in Capital Fringe history, BFF explores friendship through two hour "friend building" excursions. Only 50 people can attend these one-on-one experiences, hanging out with one of DC's top performance artists.

Yup -- for the low CapFringe ticket price of $17 (but free for me because I got a free pass for housing an artist again this year*), I am going to hang out with my new BFF Brian Feldman.  For 2 hours.  Just the 2 of us.  Next Friday, during rush hour. But wtf should we do?

I love the idea.  It's taking me -- a non-artist, typically passive audience member -- and making me think about the art in advance.  And then live it for 2 hours.  And I have no fucking idea what we should do for 2 hours.  All I know is (1) it's gotta be something nearby (which includes lots of good stuff: my house, including gym/pool; the mall; museums; white house; supreme court; MLK main library; tons of restaurants, grocery stores, bars, etc.); and (2) it can't feel like a date (I do enough dating already).

I've run it by some friends, and here's the ideas so far:

  1. Use this as an opportunity for me to re-learn how to ride a bicycle, with the encouragement of my new BFF.  (I haven't ridden a bike in over 20 years.)  Then maybe hang out at my building's rooftop pool.
  2. Read 50 Shades of Grey (which my mom just mailed to me) together, aloud. In the Safeway. Until we're kicked out.  Then maybe hang out at my building's rooftop pool.
  3. Protest something absurd.  Like "Transportation." Possibly at Union Station. (Or the Supreme Court).
  4. Go see a Fringe show together.
  5. Volunteer somewhere, maybe picking up trash. 
  6. No matter what I do, make my new BFF think I'm earnest about it.
  7. Live tweet or Facebook or Instragram or film what we do.
  8. Obvs, become Facebook friends with my new BFF.

What do y'all think of these?  And I'd love to hear more ideas.  (And, btw, the 50 Shades of Grey idea is far and away the idea most people love so far.)

*For the 3rd year in row, I've volunteered to house an unknown-to-me Fringe artist from out of the DC area.  This time a composer from Philadelphia. And, for the 3rd year in a row, to the naysayers I say: "If I'm murdered, you can't say 'I told you so' because I'm already dead."

1 comment:

Margot Knight said...

Hope you had fun. A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to do something is liar with Brian. He helped me organize my closet and posted how many pairs of shoes I owned. He's one of my favorite people and artists.